I recently returned from a four month backpacking trip through Central America. Something that I had always wanted to do. I saved money for a year, quit my job and set off.
What I didn’t expect was to come back and for everything to be exactly the same. For some reason I thought that finally crossing something off my list would trigger the proverbial butterfly flapping its wings and when I got back my life will have fundamentally changed.
I see now that this was exceptionally naive and I never seem to learn.
The reason I never went on this long desired trip abroad was because I was waiting for some sort of magical opportunity to manifest and just hand me the ticket and packed bag and say “have fun!” But clearly this only happens in movies. So I grew a set and just decided to make it happen on my own.
But now I seem to be flailing again. You know that “oh shit” feeling you get just as you’re about to graduate from college with no job and no prospects and the real world looming? That’s how I feel, all over again. But this time it’s three years into my “adult” life and I still have no prospects and the real world is almost suffocating me.
My question is, why is it so hard to hold on to that “can do” attitude? I spent a year preparing for something and the whole time was completely devoted to that idea. But now that I’m back I seem to be floundering and totally out of touch with that kick-ass Dina of the not so distant past.
The only conclusion I seem to be able to reach is that the act of consciously deciding to do something is easy but sticking to it is hard. However, the good thing is that I’ve already done this already and have something to draw from. So damn it here we go again: I will find a job and I will get an apartment in the city and so help me, I will live the dream!